Phew, Where To Start?

First of all let me start by saying that I hope everyone has had a great new year so far. I am still shaking my head realizing that it is already January 10th. And here I thought I was going to be better at posting in this new year. Hmm. My bad. I have been reading though. Just not doing alot of comment posting. So please know that just because I haven't got anything much to say right now that I am still reading and following along to all of you out there in blog land that I have come to know and love.

Second, please let me take the time again to thank each and every one of you who do stop by and visit and hear what I have to say and see what I have to see. I realize it's not much but the comments and visitors that do take a peak mean the world to me. Thank you, Thank you. Please keep coming by. Sometimes this is just what a girl needs to perk her spirits a little. Lord only knows how many of us could probably use that right about now.

Third, I just am amazed at how much talent and get up and go that this little circle of blogging buddies I have has. I have to tell you, I'm a little jealous. No matter what my New Year's intent was, I have not been motivated to make anything much. First few days of the new year I was working on some little hearts. Just little stuffed hanging hearts. The fronts are patchwork and the backs are solid. I played with using lace for the first time and had some fun but wasn't thrilled. I made a couple of little pillows for that doll quilt I put together and believe they need thrown in the trash. lol. I just have to tell you, I have no confidence in my skills at all. If it's not perfect, I am convinced it belongs in the garbage. I can't get around that. I haven't had any sewing lessons EVER in life. Never used a sewing machine up until about three years ago. I know basically nothing and feel by now I ought to have the hang of it and be producing nicely sewn items or forget about it. Will I ever get it? Will I ever have confidence in my stuff? Anybody else have this problem? How do you handle that?

And last but not least, right now and probably since shortly after the first of the year, I have been in a funk. I was so looking forward to putting the holidays behind me and moving on and having a fresh start to a new year. I wanted to blog more, sew more, be more productive and find some joy and peace. At the rate I am going, I think I'm worse than I was towards the end of the year when things were like crazy hoppin' mad around here. Truth be told folks, I am scared that I am going to have to go back on my anxiety/depression medication and I totally hate that but I also know that both are starting to creep their ugly little heads back into my life with a vengeance and I cannot, will not allow myself to get out of hand feeling so scared and sad and wanting to cry all the time. It's like the panic attack Christmas Eve started a vicious little cycle for me. The worse part of it that concerns me is that I get so quick and ill tempered. I don't mean to be mean but it's like I have little time or use for nonsense and triffling. And sadly, I guess I am at the point where I make it very obvious when someone is annoying me. Not a good trait to have when working with the public. I've been praying everyday for the ability to make it through one more and that's not the kind of start I had planned for this year. I won't let it go on much longer before I see my doctor. They say counselling may help me deal with some reasons I am anxious and depressed but I don't do the sharing thing that well with folks like that. lol. That's what my blog is for. lol. Seriously, it is something I've considered but I just can't do it. I am not convinced anyone has the power to help me and they are only guessing at what the reasons are and could only possibly make me more of wreck than I already am. Please, if you all wouldn't mind, if you think of it say a little prayer for me regarding this problem. There are days I don't know if I can stand anymore. It scares me and I don't like being so weak. I wanna be like all of you guys, full of pep and gumption and making projects and living life.

On that note, I know kind of a downer, I am going to sign off. Sorry to be so long winded again today. I can't say or write anything quick. lol. It's all about detail. lol. Have a great weekend everyone. Happy Stitching.

Renee