Friday, January 21, 2011

Prayers Please

I don't know if anyone remembers me saying last week was a rough one or not but it was and to be honest, this one hasn't been the best either.  But I couldn't say nothin'.  Hate being put in that position.  But I understand completely why.  And now we all know what we've been waiting to hear pretty much.  It hasn't been all bad news but what's bad is plenty bad enough, trust me.

Let me explain.  Last Wednesday I called my sister because we hadn't heard much from her since Christmas.  Older brother and me joked that she sure must be enjoying her new computer she got because we hadn't heard from her.  My husband said maybe I should call on her cause we were right, none of us had heard from her but for an email or two.  So I called her and she's been going through some medical procedures that ended up in a biopsy Monday and the diagnosis today.  I was asked not to talk about it because she didn't want our one brother to worry unnecessarily if she didn't need to say anything.  She has been in remission from Non-Hodgekins lymphoma for a year and a half or so.  The lymphoma is back in her liver and a small spot on her lungs.  I still have to tell my kids but she is calling the brothers tonight to talk to them herself.  The prognosis is good but it involves massive chemo and all the related procedures.  Just please pray for her please if you wouldn't mind.  For strength to battle this again and strength for her husband who is her rock.  This is not what we wanted to hear.  I'm very sad right now.

Last Thursday, on my husbands birthday, he had a sort of routine doctors appointment.  To check and see if the blood pressure meds he has been on are working.  Well, he had a cough because he smokes and we were just sick not long ago and because he has lost 12 pounds in 2 months, he was ordered blood tests and a chest x-ray.  He didn't ask any questions and told me he guessed he was getting the x-ray cause he was coughing.  Well,  that's not how I roll.  I gotta know how, what, when, where and why of all things.  lol. The weight loss friegtened me.   I have been standing on my head with worry between him and my sister.  We went for his results yesterday and thank God he is fine.  He does have high cholesterol but nothing came back irregular anywhere including the chest x-ray.  And of course, we didn't tell our sons this either so as not to worry them.  I'm glad I don't have anything bad to report to them.  As far as the weight loss, he was weighed once with his work boots and the next with his tennis shoes.  He had on boots again yesterday and gained 2 pounds so we account that for some of it.  The blood pressure medicine does contain a diuretic and he says he has been peeing more so maybe that's some of it.  And he just don't eat like he should plus he runs his tail off at work about 11 hours a day.  They recommend a low fat, low cholesterol diet for awhile before they put him on cholesterol meds for that.  Now my question is, how do you fatten somebody up if you gotta feed them low fat food?  lol. 

Last Friday, my Mom's cousin and his wife were in a terrible car crash which ended up claiming the life of my cousin Oscar early Sunday morning.  His poor wife Carole sustained major injury and I do not have any information as to whether she is even out of the hospital yet and this concerns me.  She is so sweet and I know her heart is broken.  Maybe another prayer request please for her family during their loss.

Two nights ago a long-standing factory in town here caught fire and burned almost to the ground.  About 40 people are now out of work in this already badly hit town.  Our friend's wife worked there and they don't know anything yet as to what they are going to do.  It's so sad.

I have been diligently trying to finish up my sister's quilt.  I've gotten side-tracked picking fabrics for my next project though.  Then I'm really feeling drawn to do some Bible Study and I just decided yesterday and again this morning that I had to put it all down for a minute until I heard today from my sister.  The worry/anxiety renders me mind boggled sometimes and these past few days have been doozies.  lol.  Now that I know what's what with everyone, I can move forward and hope to do so starting in the morning.  I want to finish the quilt top, I have to "reduce" a comforter for my son about 2 inches which should be real fun.  Not!!  lol.  I am gonna need to keep busy and keep my mind as busy on trying focus as I can.  Thank you for being a great bunch.  I'm sorry to report so many woes as of late but a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.  Thank you for any prayers you can send out for my family right now. 

Take care,


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sisters Quilt

I think I've decided to put three-2 inch strips on the top and bottom of this and call it a quilt top.  I think I'll just run the strips longways across the width and leave them solid.  No more piecing.  lol.   It's about 47 inches wide now but only 55 inches long.  So I figure putting the extra 6 inches on top and bottom will put it around 67 inches long.  That's long enough.  My sister's short.  lol. 

This next picture is just a clip of the backing fabric she sent me.  She told me tonight just how to piece the back and it doesn't scare me so much now.  It is flannel though.  Grrr.  I haven't had lots o' luck with the flannel in the past.  This looks like good stuff though so we'll see how it quilts.  It will certainly be colorful for sure.  But she'll love it. 

I got sick to my tummy today and didn't do any sewing like I planned.  So far, four of five of us have had some sort of stomach junk since Sunday.  Yuck.  I think I'll do some block cutting tonight though for my next project.  It's already a vision in my head.  It will be baby blue, lavender and yellow.  Some solids, some florals and I want it to be really dainty.  But it's still at this moment only a figment of my imagination.  And since I don't feel like sewing I figure I can at least cut some blocks.  I need to keep busier.  That will do it, won't it?  lol. 

Everyone take care.  Have a good night.


Okay Then

While I haven't been around here that much, I have been sewing.  Not making huge progress but sewing none the less and it feels good.  I'll post photos later but for now I wanted to just write.

Last week was rough.  There were just times where I needed to get out of the rut of everyday and do something.  So, I sewed.  I finished making the last pieced border on my latest quilt.  The one I'm giving to my sister.  I had four rows all done but they needed sewn on and then I did this final pink border.  Now I have it plenty wide enough but not quite long enough and not sure where to go from there.  I have to piece the backing which I've never had to do and that frightens me a tad but I'm up for it. 

If I never have to make or look at a pieced border again, I will be thrilled.  This quilt is surely an example of my imagination getting the best of me.  lol.  Somebody kick me if I don't start learning how to use patterns.  lol.  It's not that I can't use one, I just don't like to.  I like unique but sometimes I think my idea of unique is a little off the wall.  haha.  But I'm gonna head that way and get started.  Wish me luck.

Hope you all have time to do some creative things today as well.

Take Care.


Saturday, January 8, 2011

Easiest Clean Up Evah!

I started putting away all the house decorations from Christmas on Thursday evening.  Yesterday morning, I took the decorations off my little bitty tree and just left the lights on it again like I did last year.  So easy.  I got this industrial sized trash bag from work last year and stored the tree so since I didn't harm it in anyway, I re-used that stinker again to store this year too.  Again, so easy.  Pics for proof!  lol.

This one little ole box now contains my entire Christmas Tree decorations.  Next year, watch out.  I'll have a tree up and decorated in under an hour.  haha.  Actually, going through that one little box and getting the tree fixed up could last me a week or more before I got it all on there.  I can milk a project.  hehe. 

Here it is then, all ready for the next time.  Considering the sq. footage of my house, I am so tickled with this compact set-up.  I'm sure there are some of you who don't see the big deal in this.  lol.  Trust me, every inch matters here.

Now, here's the kicker.  You had to know there'd be one, right?  Too bad that this is all the rest of the stuff from the house.  lol.  I somehow ended up with  two extra boxes this year.  What?  I don't know how that happened.  Actually I do know how it happened and even though it added a few more boxes, I did sort my stuff from all the Christmas's past and I know the two new one's won't even need taken out unless we use our big green tree.  My sister started making me photo Christmas ornaments years ago of the kids and family and I even jumped in and made us some and they are very precious too me but too big for the little tree.  I boxed those all up safe and sound all by themselves.  Then, all the things the kids have made and we've used for years are now sorted according to who made them and stored safe and sound.  Some I had to guess actually.  lol.  Hopefully I done good.  lol.  One more box and this stack will be taller than me though, don't ya think?  All of it should fit in the linen closet at the top of the steps on one shelf.  The tree and shop vac box will have to go somewhere in the disasterous spare bedroom.  That's on my list too.  Don't worry.  lol

My sewing room became a total wreck over the holidays.  That's also on my list to organize and spruce up.  It seems maybe my New Year's hopes of a fresh start maybe leading me to actually want to get these rooms back in shape.  I went ahead and told my sis on Christmas day that my latest quilt in progress is for her.  She was tickled to death.  I showed her all the pics on my phone that I had of it in various stages so far and told her that I just have a pink border to throw together and put on it and it's ready to be put together.  Bless her heart, she asked me what I was going to back it with and I told her I wasn't sure yet so she offered a piece of flannel she had bought and decided not to use.  She said she thought it would look awesome considering all the colors in the quilt top and especially since I was putting a final pink border on it.  Well, thanks to and via big bro's pony express, he dropped it off for me the other day and it's so cute.  It's all colors of butterflies.  Perfect for this quilt and if you knew my sister, you'd know this is also so totally going to be her.  So bright and vibrant.  I love that girl.  I'll get some pics of the backing fabric she sent.  I just hope the flannel don't give me fits.  It kinda scurs me.  lol.  Anyway, I need to at least get a corner cleaned in my sewing room to get that going for her.  Now, I can't let her down. 

I also wanted to share this that I almost forgot about.  I didn't know it but apparantly I am a secret Santa.  Yep, can you imagine?  Only, I'm not such a secret one anymore.  If I'd known, I wouldn't a blown my cover.  lol.  My oldest brother bought one of the no sew fleece blanket kits for my sister-in-law Beck.  He asked me to put it together and finish it up so he could give it to her for Christmas.  Well, I put it off and put it off a day or so and then I got it out and took a whack at it.  I so wish I had read the directions and looked at the fabrics first cause I had put it off due to the fact that I thought I'd have some precise measuring and cutting to do and certainly didn't want to mess it up since it was a gift.  I worried for nothing.  This was so easy peasy.  Everything marked and so clear cut.  It could have been alot easier for me had I had a working table surface to work on but as usual every square inch of space was covered so I had to spread it out on the floor.  My only complaint was the pain I was in for about 4 days afterward.  lol.  Wow, does crawling around and reaching while on your knee's give the old gluteous maximus muscles a work out.  Anyway, I blew my cover when I went and fetched it from under the tree to show my sister and cousin.  That's when Beck speaks up and says, "Oh, so you're the secret Santa, eh?"  Well, I guess I am.  How bout that?  I guess Mike told her a secret Santa put it together for him.  Thanks for the head's up bro.  That'll teach me to leave things alone that aren't mine.  lol.  I'll post pics of that later too.

Well, I could yack all day but I got stuff to do starting with a shower.  You all take care.  And thanks to those who left uplifting words when I was whining the other day.  Sorry bout that.  Sometimes we all just need an outside ear.  Thanks for being that for me on that day.  Happy Stitching.


Monday, January 3, 2011

First Monday Of The New Year

So now that the holidays are over and a lot of folks are heading back to work today for the first time since New Years, I gotta wonder how they do it and wonder why I can't anymore.  I'm sitting here whining to myself about having had to do some running around today and making phone calls.  The thoughts of at least two more trips out don't have me doin' cartwheels right now either.  If I had to work right now in my state of "funk", I know I would crack up. 

I wanted to come on here and talk quilting today.  I would have liked to have had a plan to do some today and maybe lay out a weeks worth of sewing time/goals for the week.  I just can't get motivated.  I think I have to have tons of time to sit down and work and it always seems to be some sort of hub bub going on and I can't muster it up in me to just seize whatever moments of time sewing that I can and let the planning go.  Then I kind of realized that letting the planning go is maybe why I am where I am at today.  If you aren't in the mood for a downer, best stop reading here maybe.

In a nutshell, I feel like I've given up.  It's like if I can't control a situation down to the wire, I just can't function like normal folks.  I think it's why I don't seize the moments.  If it's not what I had planned or wanted, it's just not worth the effort to do it in a manner in which I can't accept in my mind.  So I give up.  Looking back I've caved alot.  I'm not whining and storying when I tell you that it has been no bed of roses for either my husband or myself since childhood.  Our married life has been full of events.  But we've always picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and went on.  Together.  I've always been not a leader but definately a take the bull by the horns kind of girl.  Get er done type thing.  I'm not dissing my husband at all but I think I have done a lot of leading in this family and have led through some fierce times.  We've weathered some doozies that's for sure.  And I've noticed that when I give up, kinda everyone around me gives up too.  I'm not faulting anyone as I don't know if this is the way it goes or if some of my people are lacking their own motivation and have relied on me to provide it. 

I have anxiety and depression and I have never been this lowly before.  I don't want to do anything, go anywhere, etc.  But I also don't want to see my family fall apart so to speak so I find myself wanting to move forth again to that strong, dominant person I once was who fought hard for what was right and what was mine for my family.  But I can't do it.  I'm feeling desperate with the way things have gotten that if something doesn't happen soon there may be no turning back and we'll be without anything that we've fought so hard for in the past.  That would probably devastate me.  I'm in a rocky spot right now and when I see my hubs, my rock looking torn over things, it almost breaks my heart.

I've kinda shut myself off from people and things.  I hurt my back in August 2010 and I did not return to my job.  The job itself was driving me insane to begin with and then when I got hurt, I just felt like it was time for me to just stop the craziness and take some time for myself cause no matter how hard we fight, it's never enough and I thought I'm going to take myself some time be damned.  Then I got so weak from being laid up that I didn't have the energy to blow my nose this fall seems like.  This depression I have doesn't rear it's ugly head too often so bad but it is there and it's just such a sense of dread.  The anxiety is what is the worse for me.  The symptoms were getting out of control before I left my job and I just wasn't strong enough to keep enduring that everyday, day in and day out.  Now we're suffering the financial consequences and that isn't hardly enough to make me want to pounce into action and run and get a job just to pay the bills.  I'm really scared of ending up someplace I can't come back from anymore.  I'm afraid one day I'm just gonna snap and my body is gonna lower the whamie on me.

My doctor says no amount of medication or time off from things is going to change the anxiety and depression for me.  He said I needed professional help and needed to see a counselor.  There are alot of times that I believe he is right but due to the expense and the fact that I don't know what makes me this way so how would I possibly know where to start talking to someone about anything?  Then I wonder if it can get any better or worse and where I'm left at in between.  I absolutely hate having to take my medicine everyday to keep the symptoms from being full blown but I hate how it's made me numb.  I used to be a water bag and I bet I can count on one hand the number of times I cried last year.  And not bawling spree's, just tears coming to my eyes, stinging until a few eventually fall.

My ultimate dream once I had my oldest son was to be at home with him.  All my desires went out the window and I wanted to live for my children.  Unfortunately the economy and things out of our control often interuptted that dream for us.  I had times of unemployment where I just stayed home with them but when needed I worked 3 jobs at a time too.  And I still don't have enough money.  lol.  I never had the career woman urge once I became a mother.  Maybe I was wrong and should have worked full-time all those years.  Maybe we wouldn't be so poor all the time but what is money if you can't enjoy it?  I know at times it seems like I only have myself to blame for the choices I made in that regard.  I just feel like I still missed something the times I was away from them and dependant on my mother for their care alot while we worked.  I just feel like maybe everything I"ve done is wrong and I"m reaping what I've sown.  I don't know.  I originally had ideas of making some money for the household by making and selling my quilting stuff but Christmas came and went and I didn't make one Christmasey thing to even try to sell.  What the heck?  lol.  I still hold hope that a dream job will come along that I can do from home and save the day because when I'm home I am empowered and confident way more than out there in the real world.  I just need some motivation and maybe someone to cry baby to once in awhile.  If I had a job I would think it would at least pull me out of the stupor long enough to gain some momentum and once I gain some confidence in myself again, I can start addressing other issues in my life I've given up on and caved at.  And before you know it, I'll be right back on track.  Right?  Right.  Hmm.  We'll see. 

Sorry for the rant.  I admire all of you who stay so busy and participate in activities outside the home.  That's why I thought I could come here with my worries today and maybe find some uplifting, encouraging words from the real deal, the people who actually participate in their lives and are happy to do so.   So if you ever thought of a blog buddy in need, maybe think a thought of me and offer a small prayer up that I will come to my senses soon and iron this stuff out.  Til then, carry on!!  Happy Stitching.


Sunday, January 2, 2011

House Decorations

I don't have a huge house so most of the Christmas decorating happens in the living room of our place.  Not too many spare spaces otherwise.  Every inch of the living room has been covered though I can assure you.  lol.  We have a big green aritificial tree.  Tons of decorations, most of them things the kids have made over the years and such.  Last year a small 6' white tree caught my eye.  I wanted it but had to settle for a 4' white tree.  We didn't even dig out decorations last year.  I bought about 8 dollars worth of mini decorations and slapped on it and called it Christmas.  Not this year.  I dug my stuff out and and just put some of our smaller favorite ornaments on the tree and it's so cute.  Very, very bright but cute.  lol.  I'll probably use it as our only tree now at least until I have grand babies and then I'll revert to the big old green monster again. 
Here are some of the decorations on the tree from the good old days.  There are things from my family, hub's family and some things the kids made and such.

Here is Some of my snowman/snowbear collection and just knick knacks because I'm a pack rat.  My brother Mitch is to credit for the large ceramic pieces I have.  I just can't get rid of anything Christmas.  My oldest son will be 25 this year and I still set out the Santa jalopy and Rudolph he got on his 1st Christmas.  lol.

Sorry for the cruddy pics.  It's the camera again.  And my living room is dark to start with cause of the paneling but now I have blankets and dark, dark curtains over the windows so we can see the television that we have.  It's an old, old big screen and if the lighting isn't right, you can't see it for nothin'.  We call it the cave.  lol.  Anyway, thanks for letting me share my holidays with you all.


A Little Late But Still Wanted To Share

My sweet neice Michelle sent me these photos from Christmas this morning and I wanted to share them with everyone.  LuAnn kinda prompted me to decide that it's still not too late to post my holiday memories.  I've tried for two days to send mine from my phone to the computer and finally got it accomplished only to find out that once I got the photo's up here on the screen where I could see them that they are raunchy pics.  lol.  My smartphone has a camera but there is no flash and you have to be statue still to get a non fuzzy picture off the thing anymore.  I need a real good digital camera.  (Hint honey for next year!!!)

Anyway, here are the best family pics thanks to Michelle.  I will post some of my decoration photo's later.  Receiving these pics of our family this morning really made my day.  Here they go!

My Family
Behind me from left to right are:
Jerry, Shawn, Tony & Steph

Sister Becky and Hubs Rickster

Brother Mitchell
What A Smirk!

From Left To Right:
Sister Becky, Oldest Brother Mike, Brother Mitchell & Me

When I tell you we had alot of fun that day, I think this pic proves it.
We were really cutting it up at the moment.  Mitch was being nasty and it tickled the rest of us so bad we couldn't handle it.  lol. 

Can you tell I wasn't getting it?  I'm going the exact opposite of the kiddo's.
I didn't feel well at Thanksgiving and couldn't play so I told the kids it was on Christmas day.  lol.
Turns out the joke was on me cause that's hard work!!!!  lol.
  Hope everyone is having a great start to the New Year so far.  Tah Tah